The Happiest Beings Are Nihilists; Part 1: Zetosophers

Irony abounds as we meet a "zetosopher," an eternally youthful 597 year old superhuman being, who provides a godlike perspective on our most cherished beliefs. With the refreshing thoroughness of a scientist, this zetosopher questions everything unemotionally, concluding that our non-trivial absolute positions are "self-refuting" and leaving us with only a handful of empirical truths, on which it synthesizes a new worldview. Surprisingly, on this "relative" foundation, some of our most hallowed values reappear as sound positions.