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 inspire and encourage Sep 09, 2009
Author Robert Hafetz was an infant when he was adopted. "I am Robert, but once I had another name. As an infant I was held and loved by two women, one who would give me up, and another who raised me and loved me more than life itself. I suppose I should consider myself blessed to have been loved by two mothers when most of us get only one, and some none."
Robert knew he was loved yet he felt different. He wanted to know where he came from and why he felt unfinished. At age fifty two he began his search for his "true Identity.) The journey was long and difficult. He gives hope to those searching for a birth parent. This book is well done. The cover compliments the content. This book needs proofreading. This book will inspire and encourage adoptees and parents that gave their children up for adoption.
struggle to obtain information about your adoption Jun 12, 2009
Many of those that have been adopted at any age in their life wonder just who their original mother and father were. How could my mother have given me up for adoption? How could she not want me enough to keep me, love me, and bring me through life as most mothers do with their child? Robert Hafetz was one such child that was placed by his mother for adoption and Robert had questioned those things most of his life. He finally decided to start the search for his family, not knowing if he would have any success in finding them or if they would still be alive. His search is very interesting and sent him on a long road in time and miles with much research through all the ways he could think of and those he learned along the way.
Robert knew when and where he was born which gave him a place to start. Fifty-two years was a long time ago. Would he be able to find enough family members to expand his search? What was his birth name? What medical conditions did his family have? The Internet was a great place to start. Once he found any connection he started writing, emailing, phoning, any way he might get some leads. He contacted Adoption Agencies in New Jersey, where he was born, hoping that they would have information for him.
Robert's search was long and tedious but certainly not tiring when progress was made. His story tells of his many contacts and the information he did find that allowed him to continue further. He tells of those things along with the information he could not find and that which was not legally obtainable because of certain laws, especially the state of New Jersey's laws that prohibited certain things to be released. While these laws helped privacy, they stopped cold the information available at certain stages.
Back to One's Roots Apr 04, 2009
Not Remembered, Never Forgotten is a poignant story of Robert Hafetz and his quest to find the mother that had given him up for adoption over fifty years before.
Many adoptees live their lives with the question: Why did my mother give me up? It doesn't seem to matter whether or not the home they grew up in was loving and caring. The question is still there and every adoptee asks it at some point in their lives.
Many adoptees decide to find out more about their birth mothers and fathers. Many others decide not to. But for those who do, their quest is more than just for a human being. It is a quest to know about one's roots. For some reason, thousands of adoptees feel there's something missing from their lives that no amount of money can take away.
That inexplicable bond that occurs between a mother and the child she gives birth to echoes through both mother and child, no matter the circumstances between the pregnancy, birth and adoption. Many mothers and children feel something missing their entire lives and spend their entire lives with a memory they can't reconcile.
This is the journey Robert Hafetz took. Not Remembered Never Forgotten allows us into Robert's search for his mother and birth family, what he finds when he gets there and the relationships that he establishes on the way. He discovers a family he never knew, siblings he never had, and a connection between his birth mother and wife that is simply uncanny.
Enjoy this journey with Robert.
1 of 1 found the following review helpful:
Grief: A Journey to Healing Apr 02, 2009
Robert Hafetz has written a book that should appeal to all readers. Possibly comosed for the wide audience of adopted persons, adopting parents, and parents who have given up their children for adoption, most readers will be rewarded with gaining an entirely new insight into the world of adoption. NOT REMEMBERED NEVER FORGOTTEN is well written, informative, sensitive, and it also happens to be a fine detective story.
Hafetz takes us through the process upon which he embarked at age 52, after the passing of his adoptive parents, to find his true identity: he longed to find his birth mother and connect with his genetic past. How he and his wife accomplished this through hours and days and months of research and painful examination is a lesson in perseverance. Few of the readers will have the detailed information of how adoption is set up and the enormous amount of paperwork and legal aspects of secrecy and the ingenious and time consuming steps required to discover birth parents. But what makes Hafetz' book so fascinating to read is the journey he made to relieve the grief of not knowing his birth mother and the countless loving people who aided him at every level of his investigation.
After Hafetz ends the story of his successful search to connect with his genetic family he offers postscript essays on the subject of adoption and family, writing that suggests how successful he has become as an advisor to the various groups of needy people he tends. This is a very warm, fascinating book that reads like a fine mystery, yet informs us about the myriad aspects of feelings that the people involved in the various roles of adoption face. Grady Harp, April 09
1 of 1 found the following review helpful:
 Adopted Child Searches for his Roots Mar 30, 2009
It is difficult for someone who was not adopted to relate to those who have been adopted and while I cannot possibly know what this is like, I am pretty sure I would want to know something about my birth mother and father. Author Robert Hafetz discovered that he was adopted and in his later adult years, he set out to find his mother and information about his other family members. He made up his mind that he would find his real mother no matter how long it took and he presents his frustrations, emotions, and ultimate triumph in the pages of Not Remembered, Never Forgotten. The author uses the internet and other tools to slowly find out more about his family. He uncovers clues about his grandparents, his family origins, and more. He even discovers, much to his delight, that he has several brothers and cannot wait to meet them in person. He also finds out about his real birth mother and finally experiences a sense of closure.
This book offers an emotional roller- coaster ride that changes with each turn of the pages. The author doesn't know what to expect and he must be prepared for the worst at all times. What if he cannot locate his mother? What if she has no interest in seeing or knowing anything about him? What if he discovers that he was given up for adoption because he was not wanted? These thoughts enter Hafetz's mind on more than one occasion and he shares these concerns with the reader as he writes. He realizes that he may not like what he finds, but he is determined to seek out his natural birth mother and accept whatever happens, good or bad, during each step of the process.
Books like these are difficult not to like, due to the subject matter and the ultimate satisfaction of the book's conclusion. But there are a few things about this book that make it less enjoyable than it otherwise would be. First, this book is a little too brief and it cuts to the chase a little too quickly. Part of the reason for this is the way the book was written. The very brief chapters/sections that comprise most of the book read like they were taken from a personal diary. They don't read the way a book should read; often contain multiple thoughts in the same paragraph that would have been better split into a few paragraphs; and offer little development in the presentation of the author's thoughts and in the telling of his story. Next, I found it somewhat puzzling that the author was so obsessed with finding out about his birth mother, but only lukewarm about his birth father. He offers only a small amount of information as to why he felt this way, leaving the reader with a feeling of puzzlement. He didn't know much about either his natural birth mother or father but for some reason, his mother was the one that mattered.
One pleasant surprise with this book is the inclusion of the essays at the end. There are five of these essays and each one reads more like a personal story or reflection. These essays offer some good insight into adoption and they are a refreshing change from the diary- like reading that encompasses most of the book. The problem, however, is that they are all very short. Just when the author is getting warmed up, the essay comes to a close.
Having not been adopted, it is difficult for me to relate to someone who experienced adoption first hand. I can say that I have tried to relate, but trying is really all that I can do because unless one has experienced something like this directly, it would be difficult to understand completely what this would be like. The author makes a determined effort to convey his thoughts and feelings and I have no doubt that he was elated when his livelong journey finally came to an end. A little more concentration on the story and his own life events leading up to his decision to search for his birth family, along with some more comments and reflections on adoption, would make this book a better read. But it is still a good book, full of emotions at every turn and with a conclusion that, while not ideal, is still satisfying and complete.
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