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HomeShop at BookSurgeFamily & RelationshipsMarriageSerious Doubts: Why People Marry When They Know It Won't Last |
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1 of 1 found the following review helpful:
 Why get married? Feb 14, 2010
By Robert C. Ross
I read a lot of books on Kindle, but one of my greatest joys is to wander through aisles filled with books, sampling a few pages, and taking home a half dozen or so that capture my fancy. This book caught my eye with its unusual cover, the subject seemed as interesting to me as it obviously did to its author, and it was with great puzzlement I read it all the way through.
It seems inconceivable to me (married for 40 years) that such a large number of people would get married expecting that they probably will get divorced. But the numbers seem absolutely sound.
Carl Weisman, who is not a sociologist but a systems engineer with a master's degree in science and an MBA/marketing major, was told by a friend she had married the "wrong guy" -- and knew it before she married him, ignoring the warning of her "inner voice."
Weisman was baffled that one could ignore a clear warning on such an important issue. He posted a question online on a number of free classified ad sites: " Did you know your marriage would end in divorce before you married?"
More than 1,000 people (79 percent women, 21 percent men) responded in the affirmative. Other questions included:
"Do you think it was a mistake to marry your partner?" (Yes: 78 percent of women; 79 percent of men.)
"Prior to your marriage, how certain were you that it would end in divorce?" (48 percent of women and 42 percent of men said "somewhat certain".)
In a recent interview, he discussed his findings. "I was shocked at how many people looked at marriage as a way to solve a problem. For instance, one of them is, 'I'm lonely.' Well, let me tell you, I don't know anybody who hasn't been lonely at some point in their life. I've been lonely, but never once did I think the cure for my loneliness was to enter a bad marriage."
Q: "How soon into the marriage did you start to think about getting divorced?" 53 percent of women and 48 percent of men answered, "Less than 6 months."
A: In our society today, it is more embarrassing to "leave someone at the altar" than it is to get a divorce. ... People are literally going to go to a sham marriage and get divorced quickly thereafter just because it's less embarrassing.
There are a number of weaknesses in this interesting study. There is no scientific control group -- the people self selected themselves for participation by answering the ads. And, the author is not trained in phychological analysis, so one can doubt the depth of the analysis.
Nonetheless, it's astonishing to me that so many people didn't heed the warnings of that "inner voice." In my case, the inner (and outer) voices both said "All Systems Go." Forty years on, I'm glad I listened.
Robert C. Ross 2010
 Great book for anyone engaged & having doubts! Feb 27, 2010
By Dee
As I stated in the title for my review, this is an excellent book for people who are engaged and having doubts about actually marrying the person they are with. There are so many wrong reasons why people get married and many of them are not because they are in love or they think the other person is truly the right one for them. These stories are from real people who got married and knew it was wrong and got divorced.
I was engaged and broke it off because I listened to my "inner voice" which the author describes in the book. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it's always better to call it off if you are having "serious doubts" then to go through with it. The consequences you suffer by getting married and going through a divorce (when you know deep down it's not right) are so much worse!
This book also offers stores about "the other choice", people who listened to their "inner voice" and are happy that they did! I have to say that I am so happy that I did and have no regrets with my decision not to marry the man I was engaged to because he really wasn't right for me. This book will teach you how to listen to your gut feelings and make the right decision!
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