The author is one-sided in many ways, presenting himself as a naive victim of Michelle, and doesn't examine in much detail why he married a woman he had just met a few months earlier shortly after a suicide attempt. He presents himself as compassionate, without going into what it probably meant to him to be loved in the manner that a BPD is capable of. I think he has a responsibility to the readers to examine himself in more detail than he does within the book.

However, the book does give a good account of the ups and downs one does get when in such a relationship- maybe more extreme than most people's experience, but extremely validating for anyone who has been through these ups and downs to read through. I'd recommend it for anyone coming off such a relationship, as a starting to help make sense of their own experiences. Just recognize that, in spite of the excellent clinical information given at the end, it is one-sided in many ways.

23 of 24 found the following review helpful:

Remember That There Are 2 Types Of Borderlines.  Nov 26, 2002

I thought this was a very informative book and highly entertaining, to boot. I was briefly married to a borderline just like the author, but my ex was an inwardly focused borderline (substance abuse, anorexia, bulimia, self harm, depression, etc.) rather than an outwardly focused borderline (suicide attempts, non stop raging, etc.) like the young lady in the book. The mistakes that this man made are many- starting with his decision to quickly marry a person who he full-well knew was deeply troubled. He met his future bride while she was in the hospital for a failed suicide attempt. Not a good idea. On the other hand, my ex never told me of her diagnosis- I only became aware of it during our custody dispute. (Never underestimate a borderline's ability to hide their true selves.) Part of the entertaining aspect of the book was seeing a medical doctor try to attempt to change a person that all of the information tells us is nearly impossible. He certainly should have known better. I would consider this a must read for anyone who is/was in a chosen relationship with someone who has BPD. I found the fractured relationship between his wife and his parents, especially his father, to be much like what I had to endure. The only reason I gave it 4 stars is because it left a lot of open questions- but maybe that was intentional. The overwhelming question that I was left with was, why didn't he listen to loved ones who were warning him at, seemingly, every turn? A very quick read.

57 of 66 found the following review helpful:

Abuse, violence, codependency: I couldn't put it down...  Apr 28, 2002
By Irene Matiatos, Ph.D.
This account of the author's marriage to an abusive woman with BPD reads like a novel - except it really happened! I couldn't put it down. Now a psychiatrist, Dr. Walker details the experiences surrounding his youthful marriage to a charming and captivating - but manipulative woman - who nearly destroyed him. The reader gains an understanding of the BPD mind as well as the partner's co-dependent participation in the events. As Jacqueline's verbal abuse escalated into violence over time, a loving husband progressively lost touch with his inner self, running the risk of becoming violent himself. Neither person set out to hurt the other. Unfortunately, this is how too many of these one-sided relationships go. BPD is poorly understood by the lay public, yet is a prevalent illness more often diagnosed among women than among men. This clearly written and informative book is excellent reading for any person interested in BPD relationships. This book is MUST reading for any man who has been in a destructive relationship with a BPD woman - the woman he just can't do enough for... Dr. Irene

19 of 20 found the following review helpful:

A valuable resource!  Oct 29, 2002

My thanks to Dr. Walker for putting this painful experience to paper. Some of the negative reviews suprise me. This book is not intended to propose treatments. It is a testimonial. Why is that important?
I went thru hauntingly similar experiences during a relationship that ended in divorce after a brief and hurried marriage. Even as a physician, I was not sufficiently familiar with borderline personality disorder to recognize it in my partner --an embarassing admission. It only dawned on me that my wife was borderline, because a therapist suggested the diagnosis, and that was at the end.
A relationship with a person who has borderline personality disorder is frightening and can be life altering. I wish I had known more at the beginning.
I agree with the negative reviewer who states that the person who gets involved with someone with a serious mental condition needs to examine themselves. That I have been doing. But the value of Dr. Walkers story is not diminished. It sounds like an honest account, because it rings true for me and maybe others.
What I do wonder though is why he endeavored to advance a relationship with a women he knew had this condition at the outset. Alternatively, how many of us, once thru this, will do it again?

25 of 28 found the following review helpful:

might help those in the doc's place...  Mar 02, 2002

Being someone who was involved with a Borderline at one time, I grabbed this book hoping to find some validation. Anyone who has been in a relationship with a "BP" and reads this will certainly say "I can relate" while reading this book.
Some readers have questioned the author providing details about his sex life with the BP here, but I feel it is necessary to show how a BP often uses sex as a control issue, rather than a
gift of love. The author did not come across as a sexual braggart to me, nor did I think he included the details as a means of creating drama for the reader.
Details and examples of typical Borderline behavior are on every page of this book; abandonment issues, the transparent manipulation, and most obviously, the BP's craving for pity and inability to take care of themselves emotionally, creating a relationship with absolutely no reciprocity.
Still, when I finished the book, I felt as if my hand were closing on air. The aftermath leaves the reader empty. Yet I asked myself...maybe that's the point.

See all 53 customer reviews on Amazon.com