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HomeShop at BookSurgeJuvenile Non-FictionAnimalsLions, Tigers, Leopards, etc.The Tough & Tender Caregiver: A Handbook for the Well Spouse |
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| Customer Reviews: | | Average Customer Review: ( 2 customer reviews )
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 10 found the following review helpful:
 This book is angry and mean-spirited. If you have any values at you will not want to read this. Nov 07, 2010
By Susan V Tate
This book is the angriest and mean-spirited books I have ever read. The author is obviously angry about the role of a caregiver and using the book as a vehicle for ranting. The ill person is presumed to be demanding and self-centered. I have a chronic illness and my husband does a lot for me, but I am nothing like the person the author talks about. Also, I know many sick people from my support group and I've never met anyone who did not want to do things themselves. The author assumes people who need a caregiver are demanding, whining, lazy, control freaks.
I purchased the book for my husband. He picked up the book and read a little of it and was so shocked he had to read me a few paragraphs (I had already read a little of the book myself). There isn't anything uplifting or in support for the caregiver or the partner. For example, in one part of the book it tells caregivers to withhold something of value including, smiling, preparing meals, sex, etc. as a way to force the person to live up to their end of the "bargain" in marriage.
I've never written a review, but this one had to be written so another person does not get sucked into buying this book. Save your money!
3 of 3 found the following review helpful:
 Honest and gutsy - tells the truth caregivers often feel they must hide Feb 25, 2011
By Amy Koos
The Tough and Tender Caregiver cuts through the lies and programming that people and society give burned out caregivers who have given their best but question whether sacrificing their life is really the only choice they have. The authors examine the beliefs behind stock phrases meant to help a caregiver "suck it up" and stay in place. They provide detailed steps for caregivers to negotiate to get their needs met - normal everyday human needs that mean the difference between being a member of the living dead and having a life worth living. They recognize and validate normal healthy responses to intolerable caregiver conditions. They describe the reality that "tough love" can free both caregivers and care recipients to make decisions and take actions to be responsible for the lives they want to live instead of being victims of life's circumstances. Self sacrifice and suffering only work when someone else is doing it and you are getting your needs met, or it is short term or you're a parent to little children! This book can show the caregiver the way to a better life through enlightened self interest. I recommend this book if you've ever wished your loved one would die so you can be free, if you've ever wondered if there will be anything left of you when your care recipient dies, if you feel eaten up by guilt because you want a better life for yourself or if you are ready to take charge of your own life instead of being a victim of circumstances. "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." William Shakespeare
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